My Narcissistic Mother in Law (N-MIL) left my husband when he was five. A past that for years my husband thought nothing of it. His father on the other hand has never hide his hatred towards this woman. For years, she assumed it was because she left him but over the years, the truth is beginning to unravel itself.

She was rude and condescending towards me from the first moment we met. She went out of her way to try to break off our engagement and end the wedding. She made it known to me that I am not worthy. Not worthy of her son? or simply unworthy? The way she treated me was extremely upsetting for both of us. While her action didn't affect my husband's decision to marry me, it certainly crossed my mind to break the engagement and to get on with my life. My husband confided in his father and step mother. They pretty much told him that she was never there for him and what right does she have to interfere with his choice. They also comforted me and made me feel accepted. We went ahead with the wedding. She made claimed that his step mother dominated everything and refused to let her get involved. Since she griped about not having the opportunity to be involved, we assigned her the duty to make the favors. Which she did, The results were pathetic packets of mints. At the wedding, his father made it known to everyone that he couldn't stand her. At the time, it was very hard for me to be around her as well. His father and I quickly bonded as we happily avoided her in every possible way. She came to the wedding and left hurriedly. Giving us nothing more than a hundred bucks.

Over the years, his father and step mother, once in awhile gave me insights about my N-MIL. Secrets that they have withheld from my husband as he was growing up to protect him. Over the years, as my N-MIL makes claim to be the mother of the century, I have said a couple of things to make my husband question her reality. She blatantly would make it seems like she has integrity because she has never cheated. But in the same token, she proudly proclaimed her rendezvous with married men soon after she abandoned my husband. Putting things in perspective, I remember telling my husband to think what it must have been like for his grandparents and father when she slept around town. Forty plus years ago, words travel, and people lived with dignity, value, and pride. They endured her actions without a word of malice in front of my husband.

Yesterday in the midst of our conversation, I told him yet another secret. A secret long overdue that I felt he needed to hear. His father has told me this years before and this visit, he said it again. As we visited, he recalled the day she walked out like it was yesterday. He told her that if she leaves, she will never to return. She packed her bag to go and when he asked her about their son, she blatantly told him that "he is your responsibility." With that, she left him behind. I could see the raw emotion in my father in law's eyes as he talked about it. The sheer hatred towards her for disregarding their five year old. When I told my husband what his mother had said as she walked out on him, I could see the hurt in his eyes. What is more sad is that, it didn't surprise him. He is getting a glimpse of her true self simply by the way she treated our son. For once yesterday he said "then why did Ed said she was a good mother?" as he referred to his step father. I can't answer that question but I also know that for years, he wanted to believe that he has a good mother too.

As secrets are revealed, he is beginning to confront the truth. Now that she is ailing and trying to come back into our lives, I reminded him that it was her that abandoned him first. I reminded him that as she cried about the stolen ten thousand dollars worth of jewelry, she never put in a dime in child support to raise him. She took him here and there, only when it was convenient for her. She came like a stranger, taking him away as he cried in distress. She never did once care for him. For that, I have no sympathy for her. She made her own bed and she can jolly well lay on it.  I am quite alright letting her die alone. She can no longer come into my house and I no longer will be visiting her. When I expressed my intention to cut all ties with my N-MIL, his father and step mother didn't say anything to persuade or dissuade me.  Only thing mentioned was that they knew the truth will one day reveal itself. It must be a long awaiting battle for them. I know within them, they are pleased that we are beginning to see the truth. We laughed as I said that it only took me twelve years to figure things out.

I still leave my husband to make his own choice about this horrible woman whom he called mum. He needs to sort things out for himself. It has to be his choice to remain in contact or otherwise. While he is beginning to be swayed by my conviction, he is also burdened by his loyalty towards her. This is his battle. While I will stand by him in his choice, I will also be me. It has worked for us all these years and why would this phase be any different.