My husband has been trying to comprehend the new notion of having a narcissistic mother. Asking questions like why she did what she did. I was not as curious. I really didn't care for the why. I looked at the actions and acted upon it. The why is completely immaterial to me. But now, I'm put in a position to explain narcissistic behaviors and why she did what she did and I really don't have all the answers.

Does she know what she is doing? I do believe she does know.  I believe the put downs were deliberate. I believe all the actions serve a purpose to glorify herself.  Is it conscious? perhaps not entirely but it started somewhere. Along the way, she gained enough courage to be brash and the reward of intimating others must be so fulfilling that over time, she has mastered the skill. Using it to get in bed, attention, and maybe jewelry. But failing to see that, while she thought she has the upper hand, karma is now biting her in her ass. Over the years, she must have offended too many people. Having lived in a little town for over 30 years, she really has no true friends but a couple of drunken cronies at the local bar. As she realized that we are all she has, she attempted to hide her narcissistic ways for a second or two. Making pathetic attempts to manipulate and cry for attention. Futile attempt for sympathy and covering it up her true intention by making claims that she wants to spend more time with our son. I see right through her and I'm not buying it.

But at the same time, I can just imagine how lonely she must be right now. Alone in the cold trailer. With the recent break-ins, she doesn't even have her jewelries to surround herself with. She is reverting back to that lost little girl looking for love. A love that she couldn't find. A love that she didn't recognize when handed to her in a platter. The days of the blonde bombshell is long gone but a graying old lady acting like a fool is here. I still don't care for her. I don't care how she became who she is. I don't care about her past. Right now, she is not conducive for me and my family and I want her out. I still stand by my decision to cut contact. The why is still unimportant to me personally.