Who hurt more? Me or her?

I can't imagine living a life as a narcissistic person where everything is viewed as a personal attack. Every differences is like a stab straight to the heart. It must hurt so bad that she had to retaliate at every corner. Then again, is that really the reason a narcissistic attacks? I think not. She attacked in hopes of submission. It used to work when I was little. Then again, it never did work. It just kept me dormant for awhile. I guess for awhile, she thought she had me. I didn't even know what was going on. I just knew how to act. Later in life when I began to go my own way, it must have burned her soul. I had no idea that it hurt her so. All I knew is that she hurt me so. Her efforts to beat me down to submission backfired on her. As I drew myself further away, I gained more clarity. She kept beating even when she couldn't draw me an inch closer. In the end, the pushed me to the edge of shear rage and hatred. In the end, who hurt more? me or her? I think both. But the difference is, I have one source of hurt, she has a multitude. My source, though is gone, the scar remains. A scar that was recently ripped opened by yet another narcissistic. Her pain is always raw. It always bleed. There is never an opportunity to heal.  I hope my scar will one day be fully healed. I know it is far from being healed because recently it only took that one other person to take me back to that state of shear hatred and rage. That person made me retaliate as well. But this time, I am comfortable retaliating. I think it is long overdue.

So, have I answered my own question? In some way I have and in some way, I have not. I still feel that we both hurt. Does it really matter who hurt more?