For someone who hated her husband as much as she did, one would think that she would have a higher standard for her daughter. That was not the case at all. She used the same formula for me as she did for her own. She must have picked some of the worst guys for me and went behind my back when I did not reciprocate. When I was in high school, I "sort off" settled for a boy. My mother highly encouraged the relationship. He wasn't a bad kid but I went out with him cos' my mother wanted me to. While we were dating, one time she asked me to give him one of my priced diary so that he could give it back to me. She believed that I would not have the reality of being appreciated because unless I gave him something to give me, I would never have the experience of receiving a gift from him. I did what I was told and I still remembered how baffled he was. He never did give my diary back and I was as dumbfounded as he was. I was also baffled at how she would allow us and, to some extent encouraged us to be alone with the door close. She acted embarrassed when she knocked on the door to bring us snack. Looking back, it was not something I would have permitted my 16 year old daughter to do. That relationship fizzled off with no hard feelings. We were both young and innocent. The next dude she picked for me was a cop. He was no doubt extremely good looking and I think my mother had a crush on him. We were in no way compatible. Although I was considered his girlfriend, he never treated me like one. He treated me like any other girls who threw themselves at his feet. He knew he was good looking. He would bring another girl along on our date and walked ahead of me and not with me. He spent time engaging the other girl instead of me and when confronted, he claimed that she was like his little sister. Although I was only 18, I knew an eye-candy alone would not make the cut. My mother tried every possible way to excuse his behaviors and when I told her what I didn't like about him, she told on me. I was offended but I continued to give the guy a chance because my mother wanted me to. Like the previous boy, I was left unattended but this time, with a much older man. I was then exposed to the level of intimacy that I was not prepared for. That "relationship" finally fizzled off and left me feeling rather distraught for a long time. Those experiences certainly set precedence on how I picked my future relationship. I settled while leaving behind worthy candidates because I felt obligated.

My mother was even less selective with my niece. My oldest niece started staying over at her boyfriend's house at too young of an age. By then, my mother really didn't care anymore. She acted relieved and couldn't wait to get rid of her because she would had one less to care for. The well-being of my niece was the least of her priority. She was very dismissive when I expressed my concerns. In return, she rant and rave about the boy simply because he bought her some gifts for the New Year. My mother was pretty much willing to hand her granddaughter over for a few bottles of bird's nests.

She was even quicker to try to get rid of my youngest niece. Without having any discussion with the party involved, she would make persistent casual conversation about us adopting my youngest niece. She gave false hope to my niece by persistently asking her if she wanted to be her aunt's daughter. My mother took it upon herself to twist and turn words in order to fulfill her agenda without consulting anyone. She certainly did not have any regards to my niece's feelings. The so call "adoption" never materialized but I must admit that I did look into the possibility.

As much as she wanted children to give the perception of a happy family living with a white picket fence, she really didn't want the responsibility to raise us. When my 2nd brother first went to college, she used me to write letters to governmental personnel in hopes to get some fundings. I did what I was told but I didn't take the letters of rejection well. It was personal for me at the time. When a few college professors helped my brother gain some financial aide, my parents offered him up for adoption instead of thanking them for their assistance. It was my mother's idea and my dad just went along with it. Neither one of them saw anything wrong with that.

At every level, my mother tried to find ways to get rid of us in the easiest and most convenient way without making her look bad. Now that I have my son, all the more I cannot comprehend her thinking. I would never hand my son over to anyone. There is no amount of money anyone can give me for me to hand him over. He would never be that much of an inconvenience that I would remotely consider getting rid of him.

Putting it all together, none of it made sense.