If my mother is a narcissistic, what about my father? I asked my husband as I referred to my dad "what is that?" and he said "a zombie." I can't think of a better term. My dad simply existed. He has no opinion. No awareness. He was just there. I remember once he corrected my 1st grade work when I was already in highschool. That just doesn't even make sense. He "pastored" a church. He gave the same sermon for 8 years. Same script, same prayer. He once mistaken the yellow river with the red sea. He simply stared at the Bible day in and day out. He never had to wake up early to go to work. He goofed around the yard. Took us to school. Annoyed my mother. 

Towards the end, as my mother became this tyrant, he simply repeated what she said to others in letters to me and my 2nd brother. I can't figure out what's up with him. I can't figure out how I am the way I am today. I am an irony. I should be in a nut house after reflecting on where I came from. It's a wonder that I even have any sense.

My father passed away 11 months after my mother's passing, on Father's Day. He carried on with his letters after mum died. Saying the same thing but for the first time, he said that he loved her. I guess that's the only love he knew. She hated him. She wished him dead and he knew it. They were tangled up in their web of whatever and we, the kids and grandkids were caught in it. I am still untangling myself from the web but it's the remains of the poisonous pus that are hard to get rid of. I am still seeking the remedy.

Sometimes I wonder if my dad has always been like that. Did he turn himself off after living with my mother. Seriously, who wouldn't! Sometimes I wonder if there was ever a person in there. I don't hate my dad like I hate my mother. I've always viewed her as the ring leader and he was simply a blind follower. I don't like that but at least he has never used guilt to get us to fulfill his agenda. But then again, he has no agenda. I guess I'll never know the answer. But one thing I do know is that, my mother has been wanting to get away from him for years and he only gave her 11 months before he trailed her behind to the after life. Well, they can carry on their drama over there and I pray that when I cross over, my path won't cross with them. Because I've had it with them in this life!