I always find comfort in songs. The song that got me by when my mother passed is I'm Movin' On by Rascal Flatts. So much said in that song is so true. I have ghosts that haunted me while living and gone when dead. I rise above it all as I was beaten down. I was burdened with blame in every corner but I just kept moving on. Every time I go home, I see all the familiar faces and as the song said "They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it, they'll never allow me to change." But the part that stab my soul is the truth within the next sentence "But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong." Never in my whole being have I ever imagine being rejected by my own. The ones that were meant to protect me, are the very ones that hurt me. I'm movin' on - I had to. 

As I relate to the song, I gain inspiration that my best years are ahead of me. Like the song said, there's no guarantees but I'm not alone. As I wait patiently for my life to reveal itself, I recall how my parents just let those years passed them but unlike them and as the song said "I have made up my mind that those days are gone." I did pack up my bag. I went out and explore the world. I took chances. I fall and I rise. As I learn to love like I should but live like I shouldn't, I will keep movin on. Last as the song ended "Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road, I'm movin' on." - Just maybe.
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The song that caught my attention lately is "Merry go round" by Kacey Musgraves. A friend lately said that he'll write my book once he is done with his. He has the title chosen and my husband has the actress chosen to play me when my movie comes out. Seriously, I think the boys are having too much fun with this. In any case, my friend paid quite a few compliments regarding my resilience as I share more about my past in another one of our casual conversation. Maybe that's why the song became so real as I listen to it.

The song talked about people just settling down like dust, stuck in a cycle of broken merry go round, and where it stops, nobody knows. It reminded me about the life that could have been mine. Doing the mundane, day in and day out, without knowing why. Putting on my Sunday best, reading a passage from the Bible and wondering where I could have been.

That was the very life my mother had lived. Going by tradition and not knowing why. She married like she's suppose to. She had kids like she's suppose to.  In the end, it got the best of her. Just like the song ended "And Mary had a little lamb, Mary just don't give a damn no more."