Saturday, June 15, 2013

My father passed away a year ago right on Father's Day. I had actually forgotten about it. Intellectually, how can one even forget a day like that but psychologically, it made perfect sense. When he died, it was the accusations that my relatives that infuriated me more than anything. I didn't really miss him. He had not been there much at all. He merely existed.

I did have one fond memory of my father. A blur memory of us playing peek-a-boo on the bed. I must have been between 2-3 years old and I was laughing so hard. For that one moment, I was daddy's little girl. I have no other fond memory of him. As he aged, he became my mother's transcript. Putting all her wrath on letters to mock us. Over time, he simply existed. He was like an empty shell with no soul.

Father's day was non existent when I was growing up to say the least. The level of my mother's hatred towards my father, there was no way she would have bothered to spend a day celebrating him as a dad. Over the years, I did send him a handful of father's day cards. The last one I sent him was right after he had a stroke over 10 years ago. I was told that he stared at the card everyday for a long long time. It appeared to touch his heart. For that brief moment, there was a person in that empty shell.

As the day approaches, I will be celebrating this day with my husband whom 3 years ago, finally became a father. He deserves every bit of hype and adoration for all that he has done. His heart is in the right place and he would give anything for our son. That will be our father's day tomorrow and I am looking forward to it.

No comments:

Post a Comment