Mother's Day - used to be a day that I dread. The call home that was greeted with a short and curt remark. On my in-law side, my husband always buy the 2 cards for his mothers, his step mother who raised him and one for the one who birth him whom I nickname as the merry go round. Signed with all our names on it.This year, I picked out a simple key holder from hallmark for my true mother in-law and had nothing to do with the other one. I didn't ask my husband if he bought her one and I didn't care. Even if he did buy her a card, he knew I didn't care. I am very pleased not to be a part of "her" mother's day. She is not mother. She simply birth a son and that's the extent of her status. His step mother always sent me a card too and my husband, without fail will have something for me. The negativity with my own mother over the years, over shadowed all the goods. Last year, it was nice that I didn't have to dread making the call home to a unhappy person, but I was still emotionally invested in the card for the broken merry go round. Although it was not as overwhelmingly draining, last year I didn't take the time to rethink and redefine "mother."My true in-laws always took time to find the most gracious card to express how they felt about me but I never knew how to feel grateful when I was appreciated. I wouldn't say that I knowingly undermined my husband's effort but I do feel lost about the nice things that he did. To a point that I had forgotten about my son's sheer excitement of the bouquet that my husband brought home last year for mother's day. He was so ecstatic. He smelled the flowers and cracked us up when he said that they were delicious. This year I told myself that I will begin to redefine motherhood. That the word mother should remind me of me, and not her. Since then, I noticed that I have a change in perspective. For once, I feel authentic. For once I feel like I finally look forward to the day. The day that I want to celebrate my fortune of being so blessed to be called a mother. For once, the word mother actually put a smile on my face.