Mother's Day finally arrived.

My spirit is serene and melancholy. I am at peace with myself and my decision to celebrate only with the most deserving. I don't miss my own mother and I have no memory of any Mother's Day with her. As my facebook friends bombarded their wall with wishes of this special day, I am torn by the public display. Given my own mother was a narcissistic, there isn't much to say about her as a mother. But also, given that I personally have experienced infertility, I have had the pain of going through this day. The most painful is when I lost my baby days before Mother's Day. When flowers were delivered to my door, the "Happy Mother's Day" greeting dropped me to the floor with overwhelming grieve. I will never forget that day. I guess that is my source of sadness. Losing that child. But while I grieve, I am also beyond happy to have my little one to hug and to hold. I am truly blessed.

As this day inches to the end, I think of my other friends who are still trying to be called mother. I am also reminded of the ones who has to celebrate this day without their mother and I can't help but see images of a little girl who went too soon.

That's why I am serene and melancholy. After months of turmoil, at least I no longer feel a sense of sheer hatred.