We just found out that we are expecting our 2nd child. It is yet another answered prayer. This time I will carry this child without the existence of my narcissistic mother. She was never there through my miscarriage and the whole pregnancy of my son. So one would say that there is no difference this time from the last time. But there is a HUGE difference. This time, I don't have a debbie downer. I don't have to carry the pain of wanting her affection. I don't have to yearn for what was never there. I don't have to try to be nice only to be shot down with the most hurtful accusation. I don't have to live knowing that my narcissistic mother don't care if I live or die. I don't have to experience her jealousy towards my son, her own flesh and blood. This time, I get to carry this child without her shadow casting on my back. The thought itself gives me a tremendous sense of serenity.