Today a dagger stabbed my soul. I cannot even remember what triggered the pain. But that is not the first time those words sliced into my heart. Three years ago I was blessed with the most beautiful son. It was such a long journey that perhaps it is a blessing that I have forgotten many of the struggles that we went through. Years of infertility and medical procedures got us no where, only to be rectified by ancient medicine. A few bags of herbs and a couple orange pills did the trick. Conceived with divine intervention and carried to full term with the help of modern medicine. A moment of sheer joy that every daughter hopes to share with her mother. For five months I was on bed rest. For five months, I took every opportunity to call and stay in contact. For five months, I kept her posted of my progress, only to be met with blatant disregard. Not once was she interested in my well-being. Let only the well-being of this innocent life that was being formed within me. There was no interest of the possibility of potentially losing this child, just like the previous one. There was no interest in the potential of medical complications that could take my life, just like the previous one. Every conversations were steered towards their financial needs. There was no regards about my financial well-being. The reality that I had to stop work. The reality that I had bills to pay. The reality of the cost of medical expenses if something did go wrong. None of my reality matters. With every "request" for money, I was ever so careful not to hurt her feelings. I was ever so careful to try to make her understand why I cannot afford to give her any at that time. She never did understand, nor did she ever try to comprehend. I steered every request and often demand for money, with neutral subjects. I talked about things that I was hoping that we could relate. I talked about my pets. We talked about gardening, about cooking. All things that she liked. Who knew, with someone like her, no topic is ever neutral. Every topic can be turned around as a topic of contention, which I found out later.

I often say that I am a "slow learner." The signs of her narcissism is so blatantly obvious. But time and time again, I chose to listen to her plea and be intimidated by her wrath. By the time he was born, her resentment towards this child grew to no end. She did not even try to cover up her true feelings. I was as usual, an idiot that did everything within me to try give her opportunity to be a part of my son's life. I made sure I video tape every event so that she can see him. I took pictures of him and upload them on a regular basis. I didn't want her to miss a moment of his life. From the day he was born, I spoke our mother tongue with him, with the hope that he will be able to communicate with his grandparents. But every attempt to share the moment was met with a cold shoulder. I finally got the message loud and clear, when she said it was too much hassle for her to go upstairs and have the computer turned on to see her grandson in response to my query about the photos I sent. It was these words that triggered the hurt today.